As long as I can remember, I struggled with feelings of not being good enough and overwhelming concerns about what other people thought of me. I always felt people didn’t like me very much, making me feel unseen. I developed severe social anxiety, and the fear of failing or being rejected stopped me from pursuing opportunities to learn and grow.
Like many teenagers, my relationship with alcohol began with "innocent" drinking at high school parties. From a young age, I had the idea that drinking was a normal part of the high school experience. I quickly learned that alcohol remedied the social anxiety and fear that had taken control of my life. When I drank, I had less discomfort and more fun.
As years passed, my dependence on alcohol progressively increased. I reached a point where I could no longer have fun without alcohol. I avoided activities or situations where I could not drink. Over time, I was reduced to drinking in isolation, and most of my relationships with friends and family faded. Eventually, I became physically dependent on alcohol and couldn't function without it. When I was diagnosed with life-threatening health conditions, my doctors urgently warned me that I would not live very long if I continued to drink. I hit rock bottom and finally agreed to get treatment.
I admitted myself to a 30-day inpatient program at an alcohol treatment facility. I was frightened, alone, and sick. During my time there, I met with counselors, created bonds with other patients, learned about my disease, and attended 12 step meetings. I had no intention to participate in Alcoholics Anonymous beyond the required meetings.
When I completed the inpatient program, I had the opportunity to live in a sober living house. With no home to return to, I begrudgingly accepted. I continued counseling sessions and outpatient treatment while slowly learning how to live my life without alcohol. When I reached six months of sobriety, the realization that I could not live there forever set in. I envisioned a life of loneliness with no alcohol to medicate my anxieties, and that frightened me. I gave in and decided to give Alcoholics Anonymous a try. It was the best decision I ever made.
During my stay, I connected with other women through shared experiences and applied the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to my life. I learned how to cultivate healthy relationships and how to use my story to help others. When it was time to re-enter the world, I was equipped with the skills to be a productive member of society. It had been a long and challenging journey.
Going to college was one of my biggest fears. After building my self-esteem and confidence, I applied for the Addiction Studies program at St. Louis Community College. I started my career at Chestnut Health Systems as a Peer Support Specialist, working on the MetroLink Outreach Project. It has been a blessing to do this work with my team.
People think that recovery is about sobriety but it’s so much more than that. When you take the alcohol away, you’re left with a broken person. It takes work and time to heal. Completing an alcohol treatment program is just the beginning. Recovery is an ongoing process that includes having a support network, helping others, and maintaining a willingness to learn and grow. Today, my recovery is the most important thing to me. It is the foundation of the life I’ve built—a life filled with purpose, growth, and hope.
If you or a loved one are ready to start the recovery journey, Chestnut Health Systems is here to provide support and resources. You can reach us at 888.924.3786 or visit chestnut.org.